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17 April 2007, 00:32
I can't sleep. This post is begging to be written. But first, I'd just like to say to Master; Thank You for all that You said in the previous post. There is not another soul in the world that I would want to be with on this journey. Nobody that I trust more than You.
On to the post. :)
I've had the fantasy of having my breasts nailed down for years. Long before I'd ever even met Master. It started on one of those many secretive nights after the house had gone to bed and I was left with my computer and my as-yet unrealized fantasies of pain and bondage.
I cruised various porn sites back then, always with my heart hammering, the beat matching the pulse in my crotch as image after image paraded across the screen. I'd not so much as had a clothespin attached to me then, such a rookie I was. The pictures.. oh God.. the pictures I looked at then, in comparison to my own pictures now, were mild! Light-weight stuff. But I loved them, I'd stare at them, soaking up each detail while my chair became equally soaked between my legs.
Some of them turned my stomach, things that I've since done myself. Some of them I'd think to myself "that's not possible! No human could withstand that!" and have now, again, done it myself.
I quickly moved from images to video. I started on rotten.com if you can believe that. The odd bdsm-flavored clip would end up there. I don't know if that is where I saw the nail video, but I do remember the video itself, very vividly.
I used to have it on my computer, hidden deep in a folder that was hidden deep in another folder. I must have played it a thousand times, cringing and lusting all at the same time. The video was short, probably no more than 30 seconds long. Grainy, fuzzy. Time enough for one nail to be driven through the edge of a screaming woman's breast.
Time enough for me to get so damn turned on I was lightheaded.
My attraction to that video was something I was quite ashamed of. The whole idea of nails being pounded through flesh was too brutal, too deviant to even fall under the extremes of bdsm, at least in my newbie porn-fed world. For years I told nobody about that clip, nor my intense and confusing attraction to it.
Though I began my exploration of pain, s&m and bondage, the nail fantasy stayed just that, a fantasy. There was a part of me that wanted it badly, but a much bigger part of me knew I couldn't do it. It wasn't just the pain I feared... I was more afraid of ever being so dominated and so eager to please someone that I would sit still and allow myself to be nailed down. What does that make a person? I wasn't ready to go there.
With Master there are no secrets, not even secret fantasies. I remember detailing out for Him my long-hidden wet dream of being nailed, sick with worry over the expected disgusted and shocked reaction. I also clearly remember His very nonchalant and unimpressed reaction. So shocked was I that He wasn't shocked that I asked Him then if He could ever do such a thing, could He ever drive a nail through a woman's flesh.
"Sure." He says. Sure. As if I'd asked Him if He could zip up the back of my dress. I probably fell just a little deeper for Him on that day.
That was about 3 years ago. 3 years of talking about it. Oh, not every day, not even once a week. 3 years it took for my "could You ever?"'s to turn in to "would You?"'s
3 years before He thought I was ready.
Master has always said that He would do it "someday". I was never 'in the know' of when "someday" would be. Now that it's happened, I think He was waiting for the day when He could say "cunt, I'm going to get the hammer" and I didn't burst into terrified tears. That day came. He said He thought it was time and I nodded, totally accepting that indeed, it seemed to be time.
Which is not to say that I didn't begin to freak out as the time drew near! I certainly did, still half-expecting that He wasn't serious. I don't think I truly believed He *was* serious until He dropped the nails in a cup full of rubbing alcohol.
I worried over the minor details. I fixated on the minor details in fact. He'd had a board out, ready to be used and I stressed over it. I didn't like it at all. I paced back and forth through His workshop, holding that board, searching for sandpaper and complaining. Did He want me to have the god-awful pain of splinters, for Christ's sake? Forget the expected pain of nails! I was going to get splinters!
He kind of stood back and watched me as I freaked, pointing out rough spots on the board and lecturing Him, deciding once and for all that I simply could not do it, it could not be done right now because honestly Master... splinters! Nobody likes a splinter.
So He got a different board. Smooth as a baby's butt this one was.
Later, I stressed about the alcohol-covered nails. That was going to burn terrible bad you know, that fresh rubbing alcohol dripping into the holes. That would never do! Until He promised to dry them off before using them.
He laid me on the bed first, giving me the hitachi. Not to orgasm, but to get ready. About every 3 seconds I had some complaint, some question, some reason why it couldn't happen that night. He was nothing but calm, firm, and determined.
I'd given Him this fantasy and asked Him to fulfill it. Deep down inside I wanted it, He knew I wanted it. I was dealing with surface fears, and He wasn't going to let them dictate what He wanted to do.
But more than this being something that I wanted, it was something that I needed. I needed something beyond the usual whipping, more than your typical scene, different than being made to cry. I needed this. I needed to feel His steady hand locking my trembling ones behind me. I needed to hear the quiet firmness in His tone when I whimpered. I needed Him to lace the hood over my face, blocking my sight, isolating my senses, so the only thing I could focus on was His touch. The determined pull of His hands, the coolness of His fingertips, the bite of the nail.
I needed Him to sit my quivering body down, to soothe my nerves and to do exactly what He did. He pushed through my fears, He took what He wanted, gave me what I needed, and led me out on the other side.
In the world of s&m, any deviant act carries a risk. The risk of damage to tissue, to joints and muscles, to your psyche. Some are much smaller risks to take than others, but I bet you'd be surprised at how something that looks extreme is much less risky than something that looks tame.
You have to decide for yourself what is your acceptable level of risk taking to reach your "high". People risk death in a million ways every day in order to live the life they want. There's a quote that I love, that I live by. It goes like this:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Was it risky? Perhaps. Was it worth it? Oh hell yes. Will I submit to it again? In a heartbeat.
For those of you interested in the pain factor, the six needles He poked in that night were 10 times more painful than the nails. But on a headspace level? Looking down to find a piece of your anatomy firmly nailed to a board beats everything we've ever done 1,000 times over.
I look at Him now in a whole different light. I think about how calm He was, how easily He swung the hammer, the lack of hesitation as I whimpered in front of Him. Before this I believed I knew the depths of His sadism. I do not.
He's capable of far more than I ever dreamed. There was a time when I thought He needed to catch up with me on the perversion scale. Cocky thoughts to have when you've spent years handing over power. It's one helluva wake up call to realize the extent of your own powerlessness while being shown the mere surface of His potential.
I have an amazing future ahead of me and a wonderful man leading me to it.
~cunt
“You have hit the nail on the head”
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Zane & Thomas are on a mission for the hottest pussy. They fullfill their mission when they find a kitty looking for some lunch. Zane showed her his huge footlong & lunch is served! She begged for more but could barely take it! See Kitty lick the cum off her first huge cock! |
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